Across The Universe
by JR-Boone
Summary: She was still terrified, of that she was sure, but she sighed when she realized that yes she was ready. Taking a calming breath she continued to write. I read your letter today Rachel. COMPLETELY AU
1. Prologue

Fic: Across The Universe  
>Prologue<br>Author: JR Boone  
>Rating: M for strong sexual themes and violence. Also I have the mouth of a sailor so every other word is a curse usually.<br>Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having to do with it. I wish I did. LOL that would be awesome. It would be like The L Word only musical.  
>Author's Note: I am like Rachel Berry whereas she needs applause to live, I need reviews to write. So you review I go faster with this. Awesome huh?<strong><br>Author's Note: Very AU. So this is slightly inspired by Annie On My Mind by Nancy Garden. I like it a lot so far.  
>Lyrics are owned by whoever owns The Beatle's lyrics these days. Not me obviously. Though I wish cause seriously who doesn't love the Beatles? The song used is Girl.<strong>

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><p><em>Is there anybody going to listen to my story<br>All about the girl who came to stay?  
>She's the kind of girl you want so much<br>It makes you sorry  
>Still you don't regret a single day.<br>Ah girl  
>Girl<em>

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><p><em>I read your letter today Rachel.<em>

Quinn Fabray stopped and looked out her window, staring at the near torrential downpour in shocked confusion. She had meant to start writing her essay for her Literature One class. But her mind had betrayed her like it had so many times before, like it had done that morning.

She had woken up early, so early that it was still dark outside her tiny dorm window. Quinn had lay there in the complete silence of her bedroom for almost an hour, just listening to the soothing sounds of the rain, hoping and sometimes praying that sleep would return her to her peaceful dreaming.

A thought ran through her head as her eyes began to fall shut. What had she been dreaming? Of her of course.

And suddenly as if a bomb had gone off and before she could stop herself the blonde was digging underneath her small twin bed in fury, large wet tears rolling down her reddened cheeks. Behind her articles of clothing and mismatched shoes flew through the air as she clawed underneath the tiny bed. Finally she had found it. The small shoe box tucked safely away. Out of sight out of mind.

She gripped it tightly to her chest in uncontained anguish, letting out a painful wail before clawing through the layers of duct tape surrounding it and sending the lid flying.

Lying atop a stack of papers and pictures it laid neatly folded up. That last letter. The last letter she received before Rachel stopped trying.

Her eyes pinched shut at the memory now; the memory of the two hours she had spent curled up on her floor, retracing Rachel's elegant handwriting with her eyes, committing it her memory. And now as she stared down at her own petite handwriting she realized that she was ready. That she had been since the first time she had clutched that letter to her chest. She was still terrified, of that she was sure, but she sighed when she realized that yes she was ready. Taking a calming breath she continued to write.

_I read your letter today Rachel. The last one you sent to me, the one where you told me that you couldn't hold onto someday for forever. I've been so scared Rachel. Reading that letter terrified me down to my bones. And I'm still terrified. But…I don't know Rachel. A part of me thinks that I can live with the fear now. _

_ I think…no I know what I need to do. Do you remember what you told me to do? You told me on that droll March day that whenever my life became too hard to figure out that I should write about it. You always said you loved my writing. And you always said you loved me. So that's what I'm going to do Rachel…I'm going to write it. All of it. The beginning when it was so confusing. The middle when it was all so wonderful and magical. And the ending, when it fell down so hard I thought I would probably die. _

_ I think that if I can do that. If I can get it all down on paper I can finally…I don't know. Maybe I can stop being so damn scared all of the time. Maybe I can be stronger. Maybe you'll love me again. But if you never do…I'll understand. You deserved better. We deserved better. So I'm going to try Rachel. My god I am going to try with ever fiber of my being to make sense of it all. The good, the magical, and the bad. _

_ I don't know if I'll be able to send this…all of this to you. You lived it just the same as I did. But maybe I will. If nothing ever comes of this. If I can't work through it all, maybe I will send it to you. I hope you'll understand at least then where my head was and why I did what I did. Maybe you might even forgive me. I guess I can only hope right?_

_ Love,_

_ Quinn Fabray_

Releasing a tired sigh Quinn stared back out her window and for real for the first time in almost six months she smiled. She would do this. What more could she lose?


	2. Chapter 1: I've Just Seen A Face

Fic: Across The Universe  
>Chapter 1: I've Just Seen<br>Author: JR Boone  
>Rating: M for strong sexual themes and violence. Also I have the mouth of a sailor so every other word is a curse usually.<br>Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having to do with it. I wish I did. LOL that would be awesome. It would be like The L Word only musical.  
>Author's Note: I am like Rachel Berry whereas she needs applause to live, I need reviews to write. So you review I go faster with this. Awesome huh?<strong><br>Author's Note: Very AU. So this is slightly inspired by Annie On My Mind by Nancy Garden. I like it a lot so far.  
>Lyrics are owned by whoever owns The Beatle's lyrics these days. Not me obviously. Though I wish cause seriously who doesn't love the Beatles? Song is I've Just Seen A Face<br>**

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><p><em>I've just seen a face<br>I can't forget the time or place  
>Where we just meet<br>She's just the girl for me  
>And want all the world to see<br>We've met, mmm-mmm-mmm-m'mmm-mmm  
><em>

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><p>For some reason I feel it is important to start of by saying that I was happy and for the most part contented with my life before it tilted off it's axis and began spinning upside down. I lived a good life.<p>

We were an upper class family in the city of Angels. I am not saying this to brag but it is the truth. I never once during my childhood felt the pangs of hunger or the desperation of want.

We lived in a gated community tucked in the prestigious Beverly Hills. My father, Russell Fabray was a very high paid defense attorney whose clients ranged from music moguls to A-List celebrities. My mother Judy Fabray was the very much A-typical socialite house wife, always flitting between social functions and projects like a hummingbird. But despite their busy schedules they always made time for me. They were up until that point in my life loving, understanding, and involved parents.

I attended a very prestigious private school that I truly did love. It was old. Built in the early days of America when California was still young and in the throws of the great gold rush. I loved the sturdy buildings made of large grey stones. I loved the sprawling grounds covered with its large story book tress. I loved the century old Cathedral that stood in the middle of it all, a gothic masterpiece with breathtaking stain glassed windows and filled with the warm glow of candles. But most of all I loved the dusty old library. I could escape there for hours at a time, getting lost in dusty old books filled with the tales of romance and adventure that I lacked in my life.

I like to believe that I was a model student, but really there was very little diversity amongst my peers and me. We all came from the same families, the families of the people who worked behind the stars of Hollywood; their doctors and lawyers, their accountants and dentists. No, I did not go to school with Will Smith's children, but one of the girls in my year's mother was Jada's assistant.

I held several important positions at my school. Head Cheerleader, Senior Class President, President of the Honor Society, President of the Campus Crusaders for Christ, and President of the Celibacy Club. The last one is something I'm often teased about. It's easy to stay celibate when one is a prude.

I had a boyfriend my senior year. The same boyfriend I had had my junior year as well. Finn Hudson. If our school had royalty I guess it would be appropriate to label him our King and myself the Queen, no matter how I felt about it. He was dim at times, but a sweet boy. I think the only thing I truly regret from those days is hurting him. Sweet confused Finn.

I realize now that we were…I was naïve. As naïve as one could be in Los Angeles, as sheltered as one could be anywhere in that day and age. We knew the rest of the world was out there, and that it was troubled. But in our little world of Our Lady Of The Lake Catholic School, aptly nick-named The Lady, there were no troubles. No drugs, no violence, none of the problems that touched our peers outside of The Lady. We were good kids who believed devotedly in a power higher than ourselves. Sure occasionally there was a scandal here and there. A few years ago when I was a sophomore there was a particular incident involving a few of the seniors drinking underage at a party, but that was really as wild as it got.

Despite the fact that I had such a good life I was unhappy. I'm sure it makes me come off as something of a cliché. The spoiled little rich girl unhappy with her lot for the simple act of being unhappy. But it's true. I was unhappy. Often I felt like Rose from the movie Titanic; like I was standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming, but still going unheard by everyone. I wanted more out of life. What that meant? I really had no clue. I just knew that there had to be something out there besides the life I was living.

It was a wrong turn that changed my life forever. A few wrong turns to be exact. I was new to driving you see and in a city filled with congestion and one way roads it doesn't take an idiot to get lost. To tell the truth I had not even realized that I had become hopelessly turned around until my best friend Sara, who sat in the seat next to me going on about one of the inconsequential moments of her day, suddenly asked where we were.

Worrying by bottom lip I snapped out of the stupor her ramblings had put me in and looked around in surprise. Somewhere between the beach and home I had managed to drive us into a part of the city that I had only seen on the news.

In my neighborhood the buildings screamed new and pricey. In this neighborhood we were surrounded by old buildings in various states of disrepair, their fronts and sides covered in graffiti that I could barely understand. They stood close together fading seamlessly into one another only disrupted by dark ally ways. In my neighborhood it was not uncommon to see new BMWs and Porches parked in oversized driveways. Here the streets were lined with cars that matched the buildings they were squeezed in front of. And in my neighborhood the only people you saw on the streets were people either walking in and out of a building. Here the streets seemed to be pulsing with people standing on every corner and sitting on every step.

"Quinn!" Sara barked out, her voice choked with nervousness. "Why are we in the ghetto?"

"Calm down," I said quickly, my own voice shaking as well. "I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere."

"More like a dozen wrong turns," Sara growled locking her door and sinking down into her seat."

"Oh my god Sara, it's not like someone is going to shoot us for getting lost," I grumbled trying to read a street sign and worrying my lip harder when I saw the ominous shoes hanging above our heads from the telephone lines.

"Don't take the lord's name in vain," Sara snapped edgily peeking out the window. "Just get us out of here."

"That is what I'm trying to do," I sighed angrily as I looked for any sign that might lead us away from here.

Finally after driving for another five minutes I admitted defeat to myself and faced the fact that I was going to have to ask for directions. Furrowing my brows together I sighed and slowed to a crawl looking for a parking space. "Why are you slowing down!" Sara all but screeched in panic, her nails digging painfully into my arm.

"Ouch!" I yelped pulling my arm away from her grasp and inspecting the purple gouge marks in them. "Would you quit spazzing out? I'm just going to go into one of these stores and ask for directions."

"Quinn! You can't just waltz through the hood playing the dumb blonde asking for directions routine!" Sara shouted as I eased my car in a parallel spot in front of a record store, "you're going to get us killed!"

"Would you keep it down!" I ground out nervously as I gazed a group of rough looking Hispanic guys eyeing my brand new Escalade. "I'm not going to get us killed. I'm just going to go into that music store and ask how to get to the freeway from here."

"I can't believe this," Sara grumbled sliding down into her seat so far that she was almost on the floor board, her nervous eyes still darting around the street.

"Oh very inconspicuous Sara," I mumbled taking off my seatbelt and pulling my keys out of the ignition.

"Wait!" Sara yelped yanking the keys out of my hand and clutching them to her chest like a drowning man would clutch onto a lifesaver.

"Of for heavens sake," I growled jumping out of the car and slamming the door.

I was making a good show of being confident but when I heard the locks slam shut in front of me I couldn't help taking a deep breath. My senses were suddenly overwhelmed by the sounds and smells of the streets. If the streets had seemed to pulse before in the false safety of my car they were practically beating like war drums now.

Steadying myself and willing my feet to work, I hurriedly walked towards the record store, making a point to not look at the guys who were now sending various crude catcalls my way. Pulling it open a little harder than most likely necessary I shuffled inside the graffitied door and took a calming breath as it closed behind me with an audible click.

Shaking my head clear I looked to the counter and frowned when I realized that it was unmanned. "Awesome," I mumbled to myself as I looked around the store front for anyone that could help me get out of this neighborhood and back to mine.

To say it was cluttered would be an extreme understatement. Large shelves stood almost ceiling high, stacked with records, CDs, and the occasional book. The lights overhead cast a surprising warm glow over the stacks and for the faintest moment I was reminded of my library. Worrying my bottom lip I took a deep breath and finally recognized the mumble of voices and music flowing from the back of the store.

For a second my hands clenched tightly as I realized that if I wanted to get out of here then I would have to suck it up and head deeper into the store which I was now realizing was much, much larger then I had originally surmised.

Casting one last furtive glance backwards out the window towards my car where Sara was now completely invisible I took a deep breath and walked deeper into the labyrinth of bookcases.

As I went deeper and deeper into the store the music became more and more pronounced. Under it I could here people laughing and talking excitedly in a way that I would never hear people conversing in my own neighborhood. It sounded so unrestrained and happy, boisterous and rowdy yes, but undeniably pleasant.

Now curious as to what I was walking towards my feet became sturdier underneath me and my breathing became less caustic. I realized before I rounded the last corner that I had even stopped worrying my bottom lip for the first time since I realized we were lost.

It was only then that I realized that the towering book cases had been majorly buffing the music and talking. As I peeked my head around the corner I was nearly blown away by the sounds. At least twenty to thirty people of all ages were standing shoulder to shoulder in the small back of the store. To the left of me stood a table covered in food and drinks and I was surprised to find that even though the smell was unfamiliar it was mouthwateringly good.

Scanning around the group I realized that most of the people here looked happier then I had ever seen anyone look before. I was about to tap the shoulder of an older woman standing close to me and timidly ask for help when a door burst open at the right of the room and a fast upbeat music started pumping out of the speakers half-hazardly hung on the walls above us.

An excited applause rippled through the room as three of the most beautiful and dangerous girls I had ever seen ran into the room with their hands in the air revving up the small crowd.

For the first time in my life I actually described someone as sexy in my head when the first girl spun around started to bump fists with some of the more rowdy looking guys in the group. She had long raven colored hair that hung wildly across her dark tan skin. Her eyes seemed wild to me, but controlled at the same time as she laughed when she stole a piece of food off one of the boy's plates and sucked it between her plump lips; those eyes sparkling with teasing mirth as she danced away from him.

Behind her came a girl that quite honestly reminded me more of a few of my classmates then what I surmised a girl living in this neighborhood would look like. She had straight blonde hair that flowed around her pale lively face and for the smallest second I considered reaching out to touch it. She seemed to project an air of innocence and kindness that I had never encountered before as she smiled widely at what was clearly adoring fans and talked in rapid Spanish with a young group of girls looking at her with awe.

Something passed between her and the girls and she nodded once before backing away and winking at the Latina. Quickly the raven haired temptress jumped to action and began barking orders in a mix of Spanish and English for the people to give "her girl" some room. My interest piqued at this phrasing but it was quickly lost when the blonde began a series of intricate dance moves, her body moving as one with the beat. In a flash the Latina girl was pressed up behind her and their bodies moved together in a way that even with my sheltered upbringing I knew symbolized that they were much closer than just friends. My face flushed red as I watched them grind suggestively together and felt my eyes almost bulge out of my head when the blonde suddenly flipped in her arms and pressed their lips softly together. I had never seen anything like it in my life. So open. So free. So real. I could feel my heart bursting out of my chest almost and my breathing came out in almost embarrassing pants.

And then my breath caught in the deepest part of my lungs when I saw her; the asteroid that knocked my entire world out of orbit. She danced off to the side of the couple but it was clear that she was the leader of this little group. I noticed so many things about her in that second that I honestly can't tell you what I noticed first. Her warm chocolate eyes that practically sparkled with delight as she skipped around the makeshift dance floor, her soft pink tongue slipped just barely between her teeth as she smiled so wide it could cure cancer, the way that her nose wrinkled as she laughed; all of it was overwhelming.

I realized that I was staring like a deer caught in headlights, but I was powerless to stop myself. She was just so…amazing. Like even though I didn't know her from Jane Nobody I knew her. Suddenly those warm eyes turned on me with their full force and the air rushed back into my lungs as she smiled at me curiously cocking her head to the side and winking before dancing over to the two girls still locked in each other's arms and jumping up onto the Latina's back.

"Now we can get this fucking party started bendejos!" The Latina girl cheered, releasing the blonde and running around the room with the short laughing brunette wrapped around her back like a monkey.

I took a moment to just gaze at them and felt an uneasy tightening in my stomach. It was the first time I had ever felt true jealousy, watching the brunette cling so intimately to the Latina.

I closed my eyes in an attempt to calm myself and when I opened them I concentrated on their clothing, ignoring the display of affection. They were all dressed similarly I noted. Skin tight black jeans adorned with long metal chains to their lefts. Each wore a black t-shirt with the words New York City written in bold neon letters. White and black checkered shoes. Atop their heads they all wore wide brimmed ball caps that I identified with rappers, each one adorned with loopy golden lettering I could not make out.

All that identical, but after that I noticed the small differences. The raven haired girl wore black leather gloves on her hands that cut off near the tips of her fingers. The blonde had large golden hoop earrings on that swayed gently back and forth as she moved her body to the music. And the brunette wore a large golden rosary around her neck that rested comfortably close to her stomach.

The group erupted once again in cheers breaking me out of my observations and suddenly the music overhead changed as I realized the girls were lining up into a formation. The raven haired girl and the bubbly blonde to the left and right of the brunette. "Ya'll wanna hear a song?" The brunette teased, her voice reminding me of the large organ in the rectory.

"Hell yah" they boomed back at her, laughing when she shook her head no.

"Why the hell should we perform for you guys!" The raven haired girl shot out rapidly, a long slender finger twirling in her loose curls.

"Because you love us!" A boy yelled happily shoving food into his mouth.

"What's say we give em what they want ladies?" The Latina asked saucily raising an eyebrow at the other girls.

"Well they did get all dressed up," the blonde said sarcastically knocking the flat brimmed purple hat off of one of the boys, laughing as she did it.

"Then let's own this shit!" The temptress laughed nodding her head imperceptibly to the left and signaling a change in the music.

An even louder cheer broke out amongst the group as Empire State of Mind started blaring out of the speakers and the girls began to flawlessly sing and rap the song like they had written it personally.

I was entranced in the level of skill and the heartbreakingly amazing sound of the brunette's voice singing the chorus that I did not hear the man behind me clearing his throat. But I did nearly jump out of my skin when he tapped me on the shoulder. Spinning around like I had been shot I faced an older Hispanic man that was looking at me like I certifiably insane as my eyes shifted from panic to guilt. I felt suddenly like I was seeing something not meant for the eyes of a sheltered white girl from Beverly Hills.

"Um Mija are you lost?" He asked cautiously as the music pumped from behind me.

"No, I mean yes…I mean no…wait yes," I scrambled trying to control my breathing.

"So yes?" He asked raising an eyebrow in a look that only spelled amusement.

"Yes…sorry I am lost," I grumbled shaking my head as the music faded away and the large group behind me started clapping. Unable to stop myself I peaked over my shoulder and felt my face flush hot red when the short brunette raised her shirt to wipe her sweaty face and revealed a toned tan set of abs.

"No need to be sorry," he chuckled shaking his head and returning my attention to him.

"I mean I'm sorry for coming back here," I mumbled unable to meet his eyes, trying hard to keep my mouth shut. Unfortunately my mouth had other plans and I couldn't stop it from blurting out the question plaguing me. "Who are they?" I stammered out, my body betraying me again as I looked over my shoulder to see the girls loading up plates with the delicious smelling food.

"Just some trouble makers," he chuckled putting his hand on my shoulder and turning me around to face them before stepping up next to me. "The lovely crazy looking one is my daughter Santana and the blonde is her girlfriend Brittany."

"And her?" I asked trying not to sound too desperate as my eyes ran up and down the short brunette's body.

"That Mija, is my la Estrella Rachel," he chuckled, clearly unphased but highly amused by my blatant leering.

"She's amazing," I murmured watching how gracefully she moved across the room. I felt like I was in a trance and I somehow managed to miss that she was walking towards us until she was right in front of me smiling that huge warm smile of hers.

"What's up Papi?" Rachel giggled looking at me rather amused as I just stared at her wide eyed.

"This is…"

"Quinn…I'm Quinn," I supplied, my voice coming out in an altogether unflattering way.

"This is Quinn and she is lost…I think," the man laughed shaking his head.

"So are you?" Rachel asked raising an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked dumbly, cheering in my head when my voice did not squeak.

"Are you lost?" Rachel asked, her intense eye contact betraying her laughter.

"Oh sorry," I mumbled biting my bottom lip. "I am lost. I…I was coming back from the beach and I got turned around," I mumbled as my breathing moved towards something closer to healthy.

"Well where were you heading?" Rachel asked softly, smiling warmly up at me.

"Um…"

"The Hills is my guess," Santana snarkily said sliding up to Rachel's left with Brittany tucked under her arm.

My face flushed red again and I went back to chewing on my bottom lip as Rachel sighed and turned to the girl. "Santana…love…do you remember what we just…as in twenty minutes ago talked about?" Rachel asked frowning at her the Latina. .

"Yah we're totes getting tacos later tonight before we knock off a liquor store," Santana laughed loudly only to let out a distinct umph sound when Brittany elbowed her rib cage.

"San," Brittany chastised glaring at her girlfriend.

"Alright, alright," Santana grumbled before turning to me. "I was kidding about the taco part."

"Santana!" Both Rachel and Brittany shouted.

"Ay Dios Mio! She knows I was joking about the liquor store! Right Blondie?" She yelped looking to me.

"Yes right I knew that," I mumbled, feeling suddenly like I was going to puke. In the far recesses of my mind I had been considering developing an alibi for Rachel tonight. Then I was yelling at myself for even thinking about that.

"See! No harm no foul," Santana laughed shaking her head. "But I was right wasn't I? Beverly Hills?"

"Yes…yes you were right," I conceded as my breathing started to even out again.

"She really doesn't mean to be a bitch," Brittany giggled kissing Santana's cheek.

"The fuck I don't," Santana grumbled.

"So, Quinn, would you like to me to direct you out of here? You look somewhat terrified," Rachel teased resting a hand on my shoulder.

Yah cause that was going to help with my breathing. "Yes please," I managed to stammer out.

"All right, this I can do," Rachel giggled as she pushed her way into my space, flung an arm over my shoulder, and then began walking me through the labyrinth of bookshelves; all the while telling me the directions at about a mile a second.

"So do you have everything?" She asked as we broke away from the others to the front door.

"Um I think so," I mumbled, her delicate arm around me feeling like the heaviest thing my shoulders had ever bared.

"Sorry," she laughed again. "I tend to over articulate and speak rapidly at times."

"Which is a roundabout way of saying she is a hyper-active Chihuahua," Santana snarked slipping up from behind me and pulling my phone out of my back pocket, causing me to practically shriek in panic.

"Santana! Boundaries!" Rachel yelled, her eyes still laughing at my expense. Whatever. She could laugh at me all she wanted to. OH MY GOD! I really could not believe I had just thought that.

"Oh chill out the fuck out Rach, I'm just putting your number in here so Blondie can text you when she gets lost. It's her issues if she thinks I'm gonna jack her shit," Santana laughed before grabbing my hand and tucking the phone into it. Less then a second later Rachel's phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out smiling.

"My work here is done," Santana said with an air of exhaustion as she sauntered away from us.

"So, Quinn, just text me if you get lost again," Rachel said smiling widely.

"Thanks…I probably will," I mumbled my cheeks flushing as I looked out the window and saw Sara's head peaking above the dashboard.

"She probably thinks we just beat you into our gang huh?" Rachel teased nodding towards my car.

"Ugh…probably," I mumbled blushing as I ran my hand through my long blonde hair.

"Well you should probably go before she calls the police," Rachel giggled, her own face blushing slightly.

"Probably," I agreed shaking my head and laughing lightly.

"You have a very pretty laugh Quinn, it sounds like wind chimes," Rachel said suddenly, her eyes sparkling with delight.

Inside…inside I had just turned to a large pile of mush. I was pretty sure that my scarlet red cheeks were about to actually cook said pile of mush too. "Okay Romeo!" Santana called in amusement. "Let the poor girl go! She has probably had her fill of the hood for one day."

"Hate you!" Rachel laughed over her shoulder shaking her head. "So Quinn, it was very pleasant meeting you. I do hope you'll get lost again some day."

"Me too," I blurted out suddenly. Damn mouth. I was trying to think of something intelligent to say to make up for damn mouth when suddenly my horn started honking frantically and I realized that the rough looking guys from outside were whistling at my now frantic best friend. "I ugh…bye," I said quickly before pulling the door open and hurrying towards my car.

"Oh Quinn," Rachel called from the door making my body jump once again on the betrayal band wagon and pivot towards her perfect voice. "Text me."

All I trusted myself to do at that point was nod and smile, but inside my body was screaming, 'OH MY GOD! YES I WILL TEXT YOU!'

"Goodbye Quinn," Rachel laughed waving at me before walking back into the store.

Shaking my head to clear itself I grabbed for my door handle and barked at Sara to let me in the damn car. "What the hell was that?" Sara yelled out in my ear as I looked wistfully into the store watching Rachel tackle Santana to the ground laughing.

"Me getting directions, and don't curse," I grumbled pushing my key into the ignition and slowly maneuvering out of the space.

"You were gone for like thirty minutes," she grumbled crossing her arms like a petulant child and sinking down into her seat. "I thought you were going to be a case of Law and Order SVU."

"It's really not that bad here," I mumbled, seeing the neighborhood in a whole new light. It seemed vibrant to me now, like an endless landscape of color and amazement that I wanted to get lost in.

"Whatever lets just get out of here before we get murdered," Sara grumbled rubbing her temples.

"Whatever," I ground out rolling my eyes as I tried to remember if I needed to go left or right. Suddenly my phone vibrated beneath me and I nearly yelped as I pulled it out, I did yelp when I saw what Santana had saved Rachel in my phone under though.

**Romeo: You need to go left Quinn. 3**

I should have been terrified. After one chance encounter I had feelings rushing through my body at the speed of light that I couldn't begin to comprehend. I should have been terrified. Mostly…mostly I was just excited for what I realized was the first time in my life.


	3. Chapter 2: I Want To Hold Your Hand

Fic: Across The Universe  
>Chapter 2: I Want To Hold Your Hand<br>Author: JR Boone  
>Rating: M for strong sexual themes and violence. Also I have the mouth of a sailor so every other word is a curse usually.<br>Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having to do with it. I wish I did. LOL that would be awesome. It would be like The L Word only musical.  
>Author's Note: I am like Rachel Berry whereas she needs applause to live, I need reviews to write. So you review I go faster with this. Awesome huh?<strong><br>Author's Note: Very AU. So this is slightly inspired by Annie On My Mind by Nancy Garden. I like it a lot so far.  
>Lyrics are owned by whoever owns The Beatle's lyrics these days. Not me obviously. Though I wish cause seriously who doesn't love the Beatles? Song is "I Want To Hold Your Hand".<br>**

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><p><em>And when I touch you I fell happy…inside,<br>It's such a feeling that my love,  
>I can't hide, I can't hide, I can't hide.<br>_

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><p><em> Do you remember those first few weeks? When everything was nerves and indecision…and awe. I do. Those first few weeks are with me all the time now, only I can't feel the awe when I remember them; just the nerves and indecision. I'm trying to find that awe again Rachel, I swear it.<em>

I didn't see nor speak to Rachel for three months after that first chance encounter. But I did think of her an obsessively unhealthy amount of time. I told myself that I was simply curious about her, but I see now that I was highly infatuated by that point. There were so many things I wanted to ask her about.

What had I walked into that day at the Record Store? A birthday party maybe? Or was that a normal day for them.

What exactly was her and Santana's relationship?

Was she really in a gang…okay that last one might have been excessive.

I had texted her on the way back to my house for directions and she had texted me back, but the second I pulled through the gates into my community it was like a barrier had slammed down. She had texted me, telling me to come get lost again someday and I had just frozen staring down at my phone.

That first night I had toyed with the phone for an hour contemplating texting her back, and I very nearly did until I received a text from Finn asking me if I wanted a ride to school the next day. Sweet innocent Finn. He never pressured me for anything beyond holding hands and here I was filled with these gloriously terrifying feelings for someone I had just met. A girl to boot.

So I didn't text her back. I even erased her number from my phone that night, sure that in a day or two I would completely forget about the little chance encounter.

I threw myself back into my usual routine like my weekly date with Finn. He was so sweet. He always picked me up promptly and chatted with my father and mother a few minutes before whisking me off to whatever he had planned for the night. He really was thoughtful. Unlike the other boys he wasn't fine with going to see a movie every Friday night. No instead he took me to the zoo, to the park, to shows and musicals. And afterwards he would take me out to eat, never hearing a word of me paying for anything. The he would take me home and say sweet things to me that made we want to love him so much. In the end all he ever asked for was a chaste kiss goodnight.

I threw myself into my studies as well. Reading book after book and turning in my assignments sometimes weeks in advance. The Spring was recruiting time for The Lady and has Senior President it was my job to work with the administration to organize fundraisers and meet and greets for prospective students we would host all next semester. The Lady on average liked to get fifty new students a year because the entire thing ran off of the tuition our parents paid. But unfortunately in the last few years recruitment had began to lag as parents sent their kids to schools that taught the celebrities kids, no doubt hoping that rubbing elbows with the stars could set them up for life.

I thought that if I just concentrated hard enough on my normal life that I could just forget that chance meeting with her.

But I didn't and I couldn't. For the last three months, through most of the first semester and into Christmas Break I thought about her, until finally one day I felt something inside of me break.

I remember I was sitting in my favorite chair, an old Victorian swayback that had been my Nana's when suddenly I couldn't stand to not know the answers to my questions any more. After telling my mother that I was going out Christmas shopping I had nearly ran to my car and pulled out of my driveway before I realized that I had no clue how to get back to the record store.

I didn't dare ask Sara because I knew that she wouldn't have understood and I had contemplated searching for it online but realized that if my father or mother noticed it in the browser history they would ask too many questions.

I spent the better part of three days trying to find it. Each morning I would start out at the beach and drive aimlessly around the city, looking for anything that looked the least bit familiar.

It seemed so hopeless until I turned down the street.

I remember it clearly.

I turned down the street and saw the familiar looking shoes thrown over the telephone line. Slowing down to a crawl I craned my neck in every direction to find anything that I recognized.

Despite it being December, it was a relatively warm day in sunny old L.A. and I had my windows rolled down. I had just passed a tired looking sedan when I heard someone calling loudly to me. Stopping my car completely I looked my left and saw the familiar looking group of rough Hispanic guys staring at me and whistling loudly. To the right of them I saw it, it discreet looking record store that housed a maze of books and music.

Sighing in relief I eased into a parallel spot and killed my engine. Steadying my hurried breaths I stepped out of the car and scanned the building in front of me like one would most likely scan a mountain they were planning to climb.

"Hey Blondie," one of the guys called out to me. "You get lost again?"

"Something like that," I murmured back softly.

"I thought all of you gringas had GPS in your cars or something. You want one? I can get you one for dirt cheap," he yelled laughing happily at the probably fearful look on my face as he started walking towards me with two of his friends.

"N- no thank you," I said trying hard to smile at him and not shake in place.

"Oh well okay," he laughed stepping up next to me and looking in my car. "Hey where's your redhead friend?"

"Um…Sara?" I asked in confusion, trying to keep my eyes on all three of them at the same time.

"Oh is that her name? Well then yah where is Sara? She was lookin at me last time like she wanted a piece of me," he said grinning widely at me.

"Um…I…she…" I stammered uncomfortably until I felt an arm slip around my midsection and a voice softer then I remembered tell me to be cool.

"What are you puntas doin?" Santana asked chuckling as she pulled me to her side.

"Oh nothin S," the guy laughed. "We was just talkin to blondie here. Her homegirl wants a piece of me."

"No one wants a piece of you Digit except maybe the rats and cops," Santana laughed shaking her head as I stood literally shaking under her arm.

"Oh man S, I'm hurt," Digit laughed, feigning mock pain.

"Yah in the brain bendejo. Now I'm gonna take Blondie here inside before you idiots give her a stroke," Santana laughed rolling her eyes as she started to lead me to the door and then stopped a minute before looking up and down the street. "Yo Devo," she called to a massive guy that was still sitting on the stairs and being rejoined by his friends.

"Yah S?" the guy called back standing up slowly.

"Watch her car, anyone comes near it break their face in."

"No problemo S," Devo said smiling widely and flexing his arms.

"That's my boys," Santana laughed before pulling open the door and ushering me inside. "So Blondie," she said turning me to face her, "you should probably take Digit up on the offer for a GPS system if you get lost this often," she teased.

"Oh…um…" I stammered unable to look in her eyes. "I really wasn't lost."

"Oh you weren't?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"I mean the first time I was obviously lost but this time I swear I wasn't I just wanted to-"

"You just wanted to what?" She asked clicking her tongue in mild annoyance.

"Um…Rachel told me to come by again sometime," I said weakly.

"So you're here to see my Rachel?" She asked menacingly.

"Your Rachel?" I squeaked, my body beginning to shake in fear again.

"Yah my Rachel," she growled stepping towards me and causing me to hit the floor in panic. "Oh my god!" She yelled bursting out laughing. "You should have seen your face!"

"What?" I asked in fear backing away from what I assumed was a psycho.

"Chill Blondie, Rachel is my sister," Santana laughed offering me a hand and rolling her eyes when I shrank away from her. "Hey come on I was just fucking with you, scouts honor."

"You were never a scout," Brittany said suddenly walking through the door with an amused look on her face.

"True but I totally ate a Brownie once," Santana snickered shaking her head.

"Oh my god Santana!" Came the shrill voice of Rachel as she stepped in the store behind Brittany, her arms filled with a bunch of bags that would have fallen to the floor if Brittany hadn't of caught them. "What the hell did you do to her?"

"Nothing!" Santana yelled defensively, stepping quickly away from me and her sister. "I was just playing with her I swear."

"I am so sorry," Rachel said quickly hurrying over to me and hauling me to my feet with an impressive show of strength. "She thinks she is funny."

"I am fucking hilarious," Santana grumbled walking over to Brittany and taking some of the bags out of her arms.

"Only to yourself," Rachel grumbled as she steadied me on my feet and looked at me. "Are you okay Quinn?"

And there I was again. Completely frozen by the full force of her eyes. Chocolate brown and deep. It was like I couldn't move. Couldn't breath.

In fact I didn't breath. Which is probably why I woke up two minutes later on the floor with Rachel and Brittany leant besides me on their knees worrying their lips, and Santana standing behind them snickering in amusement.

"Hey Rachel," I mumbled, my face red hot as I tried to sit up.

"No stay down," Rachel said quickly forcing me back down the ground in fear.

"Are you a necrophiliac?" Brittany suddenly asked, making my face scrunch up in mild horror as I looked to Santana who was now on all fours beating the ground in laughter to Rachel who was smiling and grimacing at the same time.

"She means are you a narcoleptic," Rachel chuckled shaking her head and kicking blindly behind her towards Santana.

"Oh," I sighed shaking my head. "No…I just…"

"Forgot how to breathe?" Santana supplied and once again collapsed into a fit of laughter so hard she was crying.

"Yah…that," I grumbled shutting my eyes tightly.

"Santana why don't you and Brittany go set out the food," Rachel growled kicking the Latina in the side for emphasis and smiling widely at the yelp of pain she heard.

"Jesus Christ! Okay!" Santana grumbled angrily, glaring at her sister as she rubbed her side. "You don't have to beat the shit out of me."

"Seems to be the only way you learn anything," Rachel giggled shaking her head.

"Jerk," Santana grumbled pulling Brittany up to her feet.

"It's okay sweetie," Brittany laughed kissing the belligerent girl on the nose. "I love you even if you are a bitch."

"Damn right," Santana grumbled as the two girls made their way over to bags of what I now realized to be food and walked away through the maze of bookcases.

"Sorry about that," I grumbled sitting up off of the ground and rubbing my face.

"Oh Quinn it's okay," Rachel said smiling shyly. "Sorry about Santana, she really doesn't mean any harm. In fact I think it's safe to say she likes you."

"That is her liking me?" I deadpanned in mild distress.

"Believe it or not it totes is," Rachel laughed standing up from the ground and offering me a hand.

I remember the second our hands touched like that it was like fire coursing through my veins. Her hand was so much smaller in mine yet it felt like she was so strong, not just strong enough to pull me off the ground, I mean strong enough to pull me through anything.

I know she could feel the fire too. It was written across her face, and I was in awe as I watched as her breath catch in her chest and her eyes suddenly become large and slightly darkened.

I think I told her not to faint or something lame like that and she just smiled that soft surprised smile of hers and pulled me to my feet. "Quinn," she said blushing slightly and staring down at her feet. "Would you like to come eat with us?"

And now for all the strength I had just felt I saw an almost earth breaking display of vulnerability that had me pulling her into my arms before I could stop myself. "I would love to eat with you," I murmured, releasing her and taking a deep breath, smiling widely through the emotional upheaval I felt straight down to my core.

"Well in that case you're in for a treat," Rachel said smiling softly, her chocolate brown eyes running over my face as she slipped a petite hand into mine and pulled me back through the stacks.

As we walked in silence I felt my heart simultaneously speed up and slow down all at once. It felt surreal just walking next to her, her fingers delicately intertwined in my own. It was a feeling I had never experienced before. She startled me when she stopped right before we rounded the corner and looked at me, her eyes deep pools of calm and something else…wonder?

"Do…do you feel it too Quinn?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

I thought about lying. About feigning that I didn't know what she was talking about. I clearly saw myself telling her no, dropping her hand, and going back home. But I didn't and I just couldn't. "Yah I do," I murmured softly, looking all around nervously before looking back into her magnetic eyes.

"Okay," she said taking a deep breath as if to clear her head of smoke. "I…let's go eat," she murmured softly and pulled me the rest of way through.

_What were you going to say that day Rachel? You started to say something and then you stopped. I want to find out someday. I hope you'll tell me._

We turned the corner slowly and as her hand slipped out of mine it felt like a spell had been broken and I could finally breathe normally. Santana and Brittany set at a small table in the corner tucking into their plates and I smiled shyly when Brittany pointed to the two plates sitting across from them.

"You gonna eat with us Blondie?" Santana asked, smiling widely through a mouth of something that smelled amazing. I realized that some of what I smelled was what I had smelt that first day.

"Yah, I hope that's okay," I mumbled as Rachel calmly herded me over to the table and pushed me down into a chair.

"It's totally okay," Brittany said smiling as she reached behind her and pulled the lid off of an ice chest. "Quinn do you want red, orange, or purple," she asked over her shoulder as I heard her dig through it.

"Um…" I said unsure of how to proceed and looked at Rachel in confusion.

"Cherry soda, orange soda, or grape soda," Rachel laughed as she took my plate and started to load it up with various things.

"Oh," I said blushing furiously. "Can I have a grape one?"

"You sure can," Santana said smiling deviously and raising an eyebrow, and looking at Rachel.

Again for probably the tenth time that day I was unsure what to say and I looked to Rachel as a lifesaver. "She's just teasing because Rachel is the only one who ever drinks the grape ones," Brittany said smiling widely as she handed me a glass bottle covered in words that I knew were Spanish.

"Oh," I mumbled twisting the lid off and sinking into my seat nervously.

"Here you go," Rachel said blushing and putting a plate down in front of me that was nearly overflowing with delicious smells.

"This stuff smells really good, what is it?" I asked curiously as I picked up a fork and poked curiously at it.

"Wow you really are from the white gingerbread kind of hood aren't you?" Santana asked smiling widely as she leant across the table. "This," she said pointing towards a pile of reddish rice, "is Spanish rice. Please tell me you've had rice."

"Yes," I said chuckling slightly and rolling my eyes. "I've had rice, just never red rice before."

"Okay, okay, Blondie," Santana said laughing, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "Well the stuff on top of it is carne cuisada. That stuff right there is barbacoa, and those are pork tamales."

"Oh, okay I've heard of tamales before," I said carefully as I dipped the fork into the carne cuisada and brought a small portion to my mouth. The spice that hit my tongue was different than I had ever had. I had eaten Mexican food before. I mean I did live in Los Angeles. But, everything I had eaten before that had been fajitas, tacos, and the occasional burrito, and I had eaten these things at pricy restaurants geared towards the upper class, and the food had been rather bland in that healthy sort of way. This wasn't, but after taking a few more careful bites I realized I could handle it. "This is really good," I almost moaned as I took a bite out of the barbacoa.

"Hells yah it is," Santana laughed as she began tucking into her own food.

"Ya'll had this here the last time I got lost right," I asked after taking a deep swig of my soda.

"Yes we did," Rachel hummed as she tipped her own drink back.

Curiosity bubbled over at this point and despite the still nearly overwhelming shyness I was still battling with I couldn't help but ask, "What was that last time? I mean was it a party or something?"

"Oh no," Rachel said smiling and cocking her head to the side. "We were celebrating, Brittany's, Santana's, and my own college acceptances."

"Oh," I said suddenly, unable to keep the surprise out of my voice as I looked at the girls with wide eyes; realizing and feeling ashamed that I hadn't even though about that before. I should have. Sara and I had received our letters from Berkley that same week.

"Damn Blondie, don't be so surprised," Santana grumbled, the teasing gone from her voice completely.

"I'm sorry…I just-"

"You just what? Assumed we were just a bunch of gang bangers with no dreams?" Santana asked bitterly.

"No it's not that," I mumbled looking down at my plate and wishing the world would swallow me whole.

"Santana please," Rachel sighed, her voice sounding more put down upon then I could imagine.

"Please nothing Rachel. I am so sick of people assuming that just cause we live in the Barrio that we're just some no good trash," Santana snapped shaking her head.

"I don't think that," I said quickly shaking my head. "I just…I'm sorry…that was really dumb of me."

"Yes it was," Santana grumbled seeming to take my apology as her shoulders relaxed.

"It's okay Quinn, I know it's easy to stereotype people like us," Rachel murmured, her own voice filled with slight bitterness and a hint of embarrassment.

"I don't think that," I said quickly. "I mean I think that ya'll are great," I said blushing furiously and staring down at my drink.

"Well we think you're just great too Blondie," Santana sighed shaking her head once before taking a deep breath. "So yes that little house party you happened upon was us celebrating."

"Where are ya'll going?" I asked quietly, breathing a sigh of relief when I saw Rachel's eyes spark with excitement.

"New York, all three of us," she said happily. "I will be attending NYADA, Brittany is going to Julliard, and Santana will be going to Columbia."

"Wow impressive," I said smiling in a way that I hoped did not look condescending.

"Papi didn't raise no fools," Santana said smiling, I could tell that she was taking it easy on me.

"What is NYADA though? I've never heard of it."

"It's the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts," Brittany supplied smiling widely. "Rachy is going to be a big Broadway Star someday."

"That's great," I said smiling even wider as I suddenly imagined Rachel on a stage from the view of the front row. And then I stopped as I reran that through my head. Suddenly the terror was back in full force and I shrunk back into my seat, trying to eliminate thoughts of bringing the girl a huge bouquet of roses. "What about you guys?" I asked quickly looking to Santana and Brittany.

"Well my baby here is going for dance," Santana said, pride evident in her voice.

"I should have figured that," I said blushing. "From what I saw you're amazing."

"Awe thank you Quinn," Brittany said beaming at me before looking at Santana. "And my baby is going to be a doctor."

"Neurosurgeon, to be exact," Santana said smugly before taking a drink out of her soda.

"Wow that is impressive," I said in surprise.

"Santana has a 4.2 grade point average," Rachel gushed making the Latina feign modesty before looking to me.

"So what about you Blondie? Where you headed to in the Fall?"

"Oh I'm going Berkley," I mumbled staring down at my plate.

"Well don't sound so excited about it," Santana laughed shaking her head.

"That is a great school," Rachel gushed resting a hand on my arm in excitement. My god her hand felt so amazingly heavy. Realizing she was waiting for me to say something I quickly swallowed the bite in my mouth and smiled lightly.

"Yah I guess it is. Both of my parents went there so I kind of grandfathered in."

"What are you gonna be when you grow up Quinn?" Brittany asked smiling at me widely.

"Oh…I don't know," I mumbled causing all three girls to cock their heads to the side in curiosity. "I mean I'm just undeclared right now."

What could I say? That really as far as my parents and everyone I knew really just considered college as a nicety? That it was just something I was supposed to do? That really I was only supposed to stay in it long enough for Finn and I get married? And that after that happened I was expected to gracefully drop out and be the woman behind the man?

I think they knew though. I could see it in their faces as they became quite and tucked into their food with renewed earnest. I wanted to thank them for not making a big deal of it but I couldn't. Not when I could see that Rachel was practically bursting at the seams to more than likely tell me what? That I could be more than that? That I could be anything I wanted to be?

Eventually it was Brittany who broke through the silence and for that I will always be eternally grateful. "So Quinn, tell us about yourself," she said smiling encouragingly.

"Oh there isn't much to tell," I said sighing at the change in conversation. "I live in the Hills obviously." At this Santana smirked and nodded at me to go on.

"Um I live with my Mom and Dad, she's a socialite and my Dad is a defense lawyer. Um my sister Charlotte just got married, I was a brides maid…" and then I promptly ran out of things. I kind of felt like a deer in headlights again until Rachel rested a petite hand softly on my arm and squeezed.

"Okay and now you tell us about you," she giggled softly. "Where do you go to school?"

"Oh I go to Our Lady of the Lake," I mumbled, my face turning red for a second before I breathed a sigh or relief, realizing they had no clue what I was talking about.

"Is that like a private school," Santana asked, her face fixed in what I now assumed was a mostly constant smirk.

"Yes it is," I chuckled.

"Do you have to wear a uniform?" Brittany asked frowning like she had just tasted something utterly disgusting.

"Yes I do," I mumbled grimacing.

"Oh, Dios mío please tell me you have to wear one of those hot ass Catholic school girl uniforms," Santana almost begged causing both Rachel and I to burst out in a fresh round of blushes.

"Damn Hollywood," I mumbled before taking a deep breath. "Yes I do have to wear one of those god awful uniforms."

"That is just too precious," Santana laughed.

"So enough about me!" I said quickly and probably a little too loudly. "What about you guys, where do you go to school?"

"Good old PS 99," Santana sighed falling back into her seat.

"Don't sound too excited," I chuckled mirroring her earlier words and doing a tiny jump in my head when Santana actually smiled at me.

"Nothing to get excited about unless you consider drug busts and gang violence exciting," Santana chuckled shaking her head.

"Like for real?" I asked, my eyes widening in horror at the thought of Rachel anywhere near violence. Before I could stop myself I blurted it out. "Ya'll aren't in a gang are you?"

The response was instantaneous. All three girls burst out laughing, their faces tinted red as tears streamed down their cheeks. "No Quinn we're not in a gang," Rachel finally managed to say resting a hand on my shoulder.

"Wow that was stupid of me," I mumbled letting my face fall into my hands in mortification.

"Just a little bit," Rachel admitted as she sucked in a few deep breaths and wiped her eyes.

After that the conversation became easier. Much easier. I remember thinking at one point or another that it was odd that these three girls who didn't know a thing about me beyond my sister's name opened up so willingly about their lives. They supplied the information to me in voices that at times neared heartbreaking, but they never wavered. And for that I was thankful. I wanted to know everything there was to know about them because I wanted to know everything there was to know about Rachel.

I found out over the next several hours that while they were not in a gang they had been touched by gang violence. Between the girls they could count five family members and friends in prison right now and another four unlucky souls who were dead and gone.

I found out that Rachel and Santana were actually half sisters, but that didn't diminish what they had. Anyone could tell just by looking at them that they loved each other more than anything or anyone in the world. And it didn't take a genius to see how fiercely protective Santana was of Rachel. For all of their teasing and bickering she adored the girl beyond all measure. And I could tell the feeling was mutual. I had heard the phrase taking a bullet for someone but it was clear that either of them would have moved the heavens themselves to protect the other.

The man I had met before, whose name was Martin Lopez, was their father and he had moved to New York from southern Mexico when he was barely older than us. He had been in a gang and had continued living on the line until the time that Rachel and Santana were both seven.

That was something I had a hard time wrapping my mind around. That the sweet man who I had met before had once been a violent criminal. I thought about asking for details but stopped myself. I really didn't want to know.

Santana's mother, Maria was a member of the gang as well and she was killed less than two weeks after Santana was born. Rachel's mother, Aggie was not a gang member. She was actually a first generation Greek immigrant who had met their father at a party a friend of hers was throwing. Rachel was born two months after Santana and her mother had dropped her off with her father two days later, never to return again.

Santana's maternal grandmother had raised her and Rachel for the first seven years of their lives while their father ran the streets. As they told me it was a cold December day in New York when their father came for one of his rare visits. He had taken them to the local park and was teaching the girls how to play basketball when a dark red Toyota drove by them slowly and then stopped.

Everything had happened fast then. People started screaming, bullets rained down on them, and when it was all over the side of Santana's head had been grazed a bullet and Rachel had been shot in her side (a thought that completely horrified me and made me scoot closer to the petite brunette).

Their father was beside himself with worry and fear and guilt. Less than two weeks later the man had packed up the girls and what they now considered their grandmother and moved them across the country to L.A. to escape the gang that had not been to pleased with his abrupt leaving. "It's supposed to be blood in, blood out," Santana murmured as she passed around some delicious tasting pastries she called Pescajús.

I'm pretty sure I asked her what that meant and she had explained that you really couldn't quit a gang. Death was the only acceptable way to leave. I shivered at the thought.

Martin was not actually Martin's name it turned out. He had gone through great lengths to change his identity. Taking his father's last name of Lopez as well as changing the girl's last names. He would have like to have settled the small family somewhere besides the rough neighborhood he did but he was unskilled and the only place he could get work would be in a large city.

Ten years ago the man Martin worked for doing odd jobs had died and his wife had offered to sell Martin the Record Store they owned for a dollar. Martin had jumped at it and moved his family into the apartment above the record store and they had been there ever since.

Brittany had moved in with them nine years ago, when the girls were all nine. She had lived next door to them with her mother until, who I later found out from Rachel was a prostitute, had been murdered. Only Brittany didn't know this, no one did. She had gone out for the night and never came back. Brittany had stayed alone in the apartment for a week before their grandmother heard her crying through the walls.

She had cried nonstop for three hours before Martin had forced the door down and found her sitting in the middle of the living room alone with no food or water. The toilet had clogged up four days prior and the smell was horrid. Martin had rushed into the room mindless of the conditions and pulled Brittany up into his arms.

Two weeks later Brittany's mother had been found dead and a distant relative in Oklahoma had been contacted, a second cousin. He had simply signed over guardianship to Martin and Brittany had lived with them every since then.

Despite everything they had been through the girls carried themselves with a collective pride and strength that awed me. The only troubling moment I had ever experienced was when my father's mother had passed away, but I had been too young to understand and now too much time had passed for it to sadden me.

Santana and Brittany I learned had shocked no one two years ago when they announced that they were in love and had been together every since then. I was in awe of that too, and as I watched them move around each other like magnets I found myself wanting what they had. It was so obvious that they were in love that it almost hurt and I imagined having a love like that.

Before long I realized that I had spent nearly six hours talking with the girls. It was dark outside and my mother was texting me to tell me that dinner would be ready in thirty minutes.

"Oh crud," I mumbled standing up and staring down at my phone. "It's already seven thirty."

"You got a hot date?" Rachel teased standing up from her chair with me.

"Only with my parents," I groaned running a hand through my hair.

"Then I shall walk you out," Rachel laughed.

"Goodbye Quinn!" Brittany yelled jumping up from her chair and pulling me into a tight hug. "I hope you'll get lost again!"

"Um I'll try," I chuckled as the girl released me from her vice like grip.

"Be careful driving out of here Blondie," Santana laughed standing away from me but smiling warmly. "Don't want one of the big bad gangsters to bust a cap in your ass."

"That would suck," I said blushing and shaking my head.

"Oh shut up Santana," Rachel mumbled pulling me away from the girls and into the maze of bookcases.

Again we walked in silence, like the towering book cases were some sort of oppressive barrier. But this time it was me who cautiously slipped my hand into hers.

As we broke out of the book cases Rachel turned to me smiling nervously and worrying her bottom lip. "So Quinn…will I…will you get lost again? Sooner than three months from now?"

"Yes," I said trying to sound strong. "I was actually wondering what you were doing for the rest of break?"

"Oh Christmas is pretty informal around here," Rachel said toeing the ground. "We'll probably just laze around eating."

"Do you…do you think you would mind if I came back?" I asked nervously, running a hand through my long blonde hair.

"I would love that," Rachel said blushing nervously and giggling ever so slightly.

"Then I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked unsurely.

"Do you think you'll be able to get back here?"

"I'll text you if I get lost," I chuckled shaking my head as we stepped out into the muggy heat of Los Angeles at night.

"Ugh I hate this weather," Rachel grumbled as we walked to my car.

"Me too," I sighed, smiling in thanks as I watched Devo and Digit wave at me from their stoop.

"It's just. Christmas isn't supposed to be like this. I miss snow. That's one of the little reasons why I want to move back to New York. It just doesn't seem like Christmas without snow," she said and then blushed furiously under the street lamps. "Sorry I rant a lot when I'm comfortable with someone."

"It's okay," I murmured, blushing myself now as I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked at her. "So you feel comfortable with me?" I asked, half afraid to hear the answer but also half excited.

"Exceedingly so," Rachel said smiling softly at me.

"Well I had better get out of here," I murmured putting my key in the lock and frowning. I didn't want to go.

"Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked, smiling that warm smile of hers.

"Yes, yes you will," I said shakily.

"Good," Rachel said simply and then in a move that surprised me, she quickly stood up on her tip toes and kissed me chastely on the cheek. "Goodbye Quinn," she murmured before squeezing my arm and slinking back to the record store.

I think I probably stood in shock for five minutes before the sounds of a siren snapped me out of it and I crawled in my car. My cheek burned like fire where she had kissed me and I remember thinking that I would probably never wash it again. I had just pulled out of my parking space when my phone vibrated in my pocket and I clawed for it like it could see me blushing so.

I frowned oddly at the phone for a second as I stared down at the name. It was Santana and for the life of me I couldn't remember ever getting her number. Brows furrowed I flipped it open cautiously.

**Santana: Stole ur phone again! And I put Rach's number back in there. Who's fucking awesome? Me that's right. Don't fucking delete it again or I really will kick your white ass. **

I let out a shaking laugh as I stared down at the words, marveling how she had suddenly gone from a lifesaver in my eyes to probably the most terrifying person on the planet. A second later my phone vibrated and I cautiously opened the text from her again.

**Santana: And go left bitch. You look like a creeper sitting out front. **

At that I gave a start and my car lurched forwards, because I'm sure Santana was right. I probably did look like some sort of awful creeper.

It was surreal driving home that night, easing my way out of their world of color and lights and grittiness and back into my own gray seeming clean world. I felt naked…raw really. Like those six hours had stripped me of who I was and now I was a completely changed person. A new born looking at the world with wide eyes.

Dinner in our house was quite as usual as my parents chatted about one or another social event on the horizon and I nearly jumped out of my seat when my mother called my name.

"Quinn, honey," she said looking at me oddly. "Did you hear me?"

"Oh no I'm sorry," I said bowing my head. "I was thinking about something."

"Finn no doubt," my Dad chuckled as he took a drink from his water glass.

"Oh well," my mom said smiling happily. "I was asking how your day went. You were gone for an awful long time, you can't possibly be buying that many Christmas presents."

Now mind you beyond childhood I had never lied to my parents because I had never had a reason too, and honestly I didn't want to start now. But something in the back of my head, an alarm system it seemed, was ringing and telling me to tread carefully. I listened to it in earnest.

"Oh yes well I met up with some friends and had lunch with them and sort of lost track of time," I half mumbled as I carefully cut a piece of chicken loose.

"Oh well that's nice. Which girls was it today?" My mom asked smiling. The smile was almost painful though. I knew that my mother didn't like the fact that I wasn't very sociable and for years had been trying to get me to branch out.

"Actually they don't go to The Lady," I said quietly.

"Oh really?" My Dad asked raising a brow and chuckling. "Who else would you know."

"Oh they are just some girls I met a few months ago…at the beach." There I had bluntly and knowingly lied for the first time to my parents. And it made me feel very queasy to tell the truth.

I just knew that I could tell them exactly how I had me the girls. While I had never gotten the feeling my parents were racist I wasn't foolish enough to believe that they didn't think themselves above people like Rachel and Santana. I saw the way my father looked uncaringly at the news when it reported someone dead from gang violence. Russell Fabray was a man who didn't believe in extenuating circumstances. People he thought were responsible for their own station in life.

But that wasn't the real reason I lied to tell the truth. I lied because I was afraid. I was afraid that if I started talking about Rachel they would know. They would be able to clearly see what I was still so confused about.

My parents I believed were not homophobic to the extent that they did not use words like fag or dyke. They hated those words in fact. But that was because they did not believe in gay people, not in the way that you don't believe in Santa, but in the way you don't believe the crazy person is really hearing voices. They both had on the rare occasions that homosexuality was brought up tutted under their breath and explained that homosexuality was not a lifestyle or how you were born. They saw it as a sickness, a very sad sickness that with counseling could be cleared up.

They pitied gay people the way that you pity someone with terminal cancer.

So how could I talk to them about a girl that I was completely and confusingly infatuated with? Or her sister that had found love with another girl.

My mother talking broke me out of my reverie of thoughts, "well that is nice. It is good for you to make friends outside of school. Tell us about these girls. Where do they go to school?"

"Oh they go to one of the public schools," I said quietly again trying hard to not say too much and avoid lying all together.

"Well that is wonderful. You should have them over sometime," my Dad said cheerfully.

"Maybe," I hummed, suddenly desperate to get out of the conversation. "May I be excused? I'm really tired."

"Of course," my Mom said smiling widely. "You go on to bed and I will see you in the morning."

"Oh," I said standing up. "I hope you don't mind but they invited me to go hang out with them tomorrow…the girls I mean."

"That's fine dear, it would be rude to say no. Will you be out for long?" My mom asked taking a sip from her wine.

"Probably," I said thoughtfully, already giddy inside at the carefree sound of her voice.

"Well if you're out to late just stay the night with them. As long as it's okay with their parents."

"I doubt I'll be out that late, but if I am I'll ask," I stuttered, suddenly imagining sleeping next to Rachel Lopez.

"Alright sleep well," my Mom said reaching out to take my hand and squeezing it softly.

"Goodnight. Goodnight Daddy," I said turning my eyes to him.

"Goodnight Pumpkin," my Dad hummed smiling as I left them to return to their society talk.

I probably lied in bed for an hour thinking the day over before I finally realized sleep wouldn't come soon. Smiling softly to myself I opened my phone and scrolled down till I saw the name Romeo. Looking around the room quickly as if I expected my parents to bust in with an interventionist any second I blushed to myself and quickly edited the contact. Leaving Romeo simply as R.

My fingers shook over my keyboard as I meticulously typed out a short message and hit send before I could stop myself.

**To R: Can't wait to hang out tomorrow. Goodnight. **

Her response was almost instantaneous and I felt giddy as I opened the text.

**R: Yay! You texted me! I thought for a moment I would have to wait another three months to hear from you. I can't wait to hang out tomorrow either. Sweet dreams Quinn. 3**

I remember letting out an embarrassed cheer before holding it to my chest, my mind racing as I thought about the heart put at the end of her text. I felt so much all at once. Like I was about to fall and fly at the same time. I think I knew at that moment that I was in trouble but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Right before I fell asleep my phone vibrated again and I flipped it open to see a text from Santana.

**Santana: And she can be taught! I knew I liked your blond ass Juliet. **

I snorted sleepily as I sent back a text. Inside a little more than pleased with myself that I seemed to have won over Santana.

**To Santana: Eh I try. **

And a second later.

**Santana: Modest too? Whatevs. Nite Blondie. **

I sat my phone down on my bedside and sighed to myself. Like I said I knew I was in trouble. But I honestly couldn't care.


End file.
